Ask questions when you are confused or dont understand something. I dont know what to do because they are my parents and I love them but this hurts me greatly and there are many occasions while I feel alone, depressed and with no where to go. BoArcher, and all those who have commented, please tell another adult what you and your siblings are going through. I want my kids to know I love them. Any parent who is a school teacher, should make every effort not to teach in their child's school, and especially not in the same grade. they never even taught me to ride the bike but they did taught my brothers. Our house was cold, bare and full of unhappiness that he caused. Dad was worst. Mum left half her house to me but brother wont budge. And while both daughters struggled with self-esteem, they did not bond. Why not try and be a better mother than mine had been? They take good care of me and makes sure that all my needs are looked into and done. I'm also homeschooled so I can't get away from her. Tammy from North Carolina on June 10, 2012: I have strived to be a good parent, but I am far from perfect. I like one kid better, and they both know it. Growing up as a White person in pre-apartheid South Africa in the late 80s and 90s, issues around race have played a big role in my family for my entire life. Show your kids that you trust them too. And many parents with mental disorders are able to be wonderful parents. Then, when I finally get a chance to ask them if I can have something or ask them to do something or help me with something, they just start cursing at me and hitting me. Help! Especially the lady with the eight year old girl. And you need to make it stop, before you get hurt and hurt you familys feelings. I don't know what to do and sometimes I just wanna die(not literally.). I thought that things will change afterwards. I need my space. We were always stepping on egg shells I had quite a few siblings. He has taken away my right to mourn what should have been a loving father and protector. Plain and simple advise! Sometimes I feel like killing myself cause I feel like a total failure. Work on assertive and non-aggressive phrasing. I stop what I'm doing and take a moment to find out what's wrong. I feel overwhelmed. Some abused children may develop eating disorders, struggle with sleep issues, become hostile, apathetic, or lethargic, and develop attention deficit disorders. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. May 21, 2007 -- Twin brothers Raymon and Richard Miller are the father and uncle to a 3-year-old little girl. It made me feel like I didn't matter. The favoritism may impair their social skills and harm their attitude. Goodreader from Lagos, Nigeria on September 14, 2013: I am 16 years old and I have a mother who has been insulting me since I was 11. My parents told us this all the time. Allow them to explore their own interests and try not to force them to do unreasonable things. You reached out for help on this website. Same applies for school as well. When a child cannot live up to the expectations of the parent, it can be very demotivating and disappointing for everyone. Because I was the oldest, and my parents would always say I "should have been minding my brother". Asked me too many questions and its the same questions she ask me every single day. My daughter who has men falling all over themselves to do anything for herIt got me studying the subject and I've done a complete about face on the subject. So try avoiding favoritism. He was a very strict teacher, and not well liked. When I was in high-school, I can't even go out with my friends. Children who are intelligent and good at sports are often the apple of the eyes of their family. A child requires positive physical contact with their parent in the form of hugs, kisses, and other signs of affection. We had a master puppeteer. She is estranged from all of her siblings and comments, If I were to meet them today as strangers, I would not be interested in being friends. We all ran. You will have a long life on front of you to reach your potential and to enjoy, to help your siblings from now will in turn help you. And I don't think things are bad enough to call child services or anything. I'm sorry for ranting but I didn't realise that that many people went through similar things. We have all heard that bad kids come from bad parents, and there are several ways to be a bad parent. You and your siblings need protection. She would tell me "boys only want you for one thing", and every time I even looked at, or spoke to a boy (even in passing) she'd assume I was having sexual relations with him. We need all the encouragement we can get. You are raising a human being. Did you have a specific reason for that? I want to get out of my house please what should I do. everyday I think if I did something bad to him, my wife helped me a lot to understand that. Those who dont get the attention they need in childhood may have difficulty maintaining healthy relationships later in life. And said she will call DSS and let them explain to me the rules or something. Everything youve written about for the safety of your little siblings and yourself, even your moms stability, you must get help. External factors such as the mothers age and emotional maturity, the economic status of the family, the amount of stress the mother is under, and the stability of the marriage also shape how and why children are treated differentially. Our mum died last march - 2010. I lost my safety net. My father has always been a bad father. This really made me feel bad about life and I actually wanted to just leave my family for good. Both my parents should never really have had children - they just weren't cut out for it. I am now 51 years old, have never dated, and have lost my home and my job. My mother was horribly critical of mecalling me bookish and dull, compared to my sisters charmand I always felt like an awkward and unwanted guest who couldnt join in. I have a younger brother who is 31/2 years younger to me. I am just ready to give her away to the system because I can't do it anymore. The identical Missouri . When a child's bad behavior or emotional state are linked to their parents' actions, it is natural to wonder if the parents made a mistake or if they are simply bad parents. Im just a horrible mother. Never give up in God. You can probably call yourself a good parent in good faith. Being more of a friend than a parental figure can cause a lot of problems. I've seen her interact with her son and let me tell you now.. it's no wonder her Son is "all up in her face". They have struggled a lot in their life to get to this point and have done everything for me and my brother. I think its hard with favouritism because you feel unloved and unwanted because off the treatment from the other child. our parents are our sole partner in our lives. She is the author or coauthor of 15 books, including Daughter Detox: Recovering from an Unloving Mother and Reclaiming Your Life. Love the person, not the persona . Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. I had a bad childhood. Am I too late? ", "You went to almost all of John's football games last season, but you only attended one of my volleyball games. 2. Two options: Rent a room out or try. Then my mom came in and started yelling at me, saying I need to stop treating my step dad like shit. The answer key is below. . From this article I can take away some good points for me to practice. Incest! they were encouraged to do whatever they wanted in school, all we asked as if they chose to do it, make sure because everything cost a lot of money to join with equipment and such so don't quit, they usually quit, but we would scrape up the money for their next choice, which eventually they would quit. Maybe that will help you know what you are doing wrong. Avoiding and Neglecting Your Child versus 7. He says Come to me all who are burdened and I will give you rest for your safety and the kids, will you please talk to your police department? If they later find out and get to know that you're aware of it, they wont forgive you. Now that I am a nana iwant to be perfect, i never get angry anymore, grandchildren truly are a gift from God almost like a reward.lol, My question is this my boyfriend hangs around with this guy that is an opiate addict to be more clear he is smoking. The figure of 90 per cent is not a mathematical figure, it simply means that in my opinion a large proportion of Indians (and again I repeat, not all) are fools. I have spent years in therapy, trying to shake the feeling of being less than, with mixed results despite a happy marriage and two wonderful children. She cares more about her boyfriend than anything. That is why I always feel guilty if I say something bad about them - I need to know for sure if they love and care about me as much as my brother or if this attitude towards me is damaging and hurting me in the long term. As a mom, I can tell you they are having a hard time letting go, but stand your ground. I call it brain washing by a parent. But when I asked, you said no. They may fear that their daughters may "lose" their man, that they are neglecting their children, or that they are just moving too far away from womanhood as they know it. It may be beneficial to set up a savings account for your kids so they can save some of their allowance and learn to budget what they have. by Sadsituation. Peg Streep's newest book is Verbal Abuse: Recognizing, Dealing, Reacting, and Recovering. Many have no faith in their children and demotivate them with their words or actions. Show her what love is? Relationship Terms. Totally agree with much of what is said in this article. We all know that life is hard just read these comments and you'll know the effects of people who have been victimized and how it has suffered their future deeply. Children need love and security! Provided testimony and input into Illinois Public Act 099-456 . Pay attention to your children and prioritize their well-being. "Memories of fights and arguments become the sweetest when you had them with your brother.". But, normally every week they try to make up with me and hug me and say that they love each of us equally. To never fight back her brother because girls are . For example, parents often disagree on when to intervene with a behavior. I think I am guilty of number 7. :) Great hub with great insight. I wrote an exam in 2013 and failed and I am sure it's because of her. oh I loved the life he showed me and gradually we fell in love ever since iv been with him. When specifically talking about intimate relationships with their family members., siblings that may have suffered trauma, neglect, or lack of affection may say they found in each other the love, support, and emotional connection they couldn't get from their parents/carers. what should i be doing???? Did You Know? Your brother was probably sexually developing himself at the time and you basically used and manipulated him. This confuses me- do they love us equally or are they cruel parents who undermine me? All I did was ask him to stop making fun of me, he said he wasn't making fun of me and then my mom said" What's wrong with you? Then, as suddenly as he vanished, Julius turns up in an institution where he and Peter must face their relationship. my parents are very over protective, im 23 and yet they still interfere with everything. Others are lukewarm. I promise that I will be a very good mom to my kids. I know this now. Not my brother, just me. That was certainly the case for Gayle, now 44, whose sisterjust 22 months olderwas the good child while she was the bad and difficult one. Basically they are the children of your Aunts and Uncles (not great aunts or uncles). Parenting is the toughest job on earth. My mom's whole family disowned us after her passing and my dad's mom died the same week, his only brother committed suicide soon after. Mom worked, too. They can change but it will take a long time and professional help. Oppressive, Overbearing Authoritarianism. Support wikiHow by That's all folks all is well now, I really really hope that no one ever suffers like the way i did in my childhood. My mom, I love her, but she wasn't a good mom. But honestly, having been through all this, I know I'm not going to treat my kids anything like how my parents treat me. they are little helpless humans. think about it, why then can you hit a small child. Having no self worth. He is an adorable kid and plays with me. Their lives are theirs to live, we have told them we will always be proud of them, we might not like the choices they made but they were their choices and their consequences. fentanyl patches, i have caught him doing them in front his daughter who is a tender 16, he says she will never do drugs because he has told her all about them she is a very smart girl academic wise, however i feel the curiosity must be killing her. If the child is old enough and can see through it then they have a chance. I yelled at her to stop and she came towards me and threw me down on my bed and started repeatedly smacking my face, telling me to shut up because I was screaming since I was scared and it hurt. She doesn't care about anyone's opinions and she never like to take responsibility for when she's wrong. My mom passed away when I was little, but even then, he was always very direct that I was just a kid, who knew nothing, and he was the adult, who knew everything. Many parents over-protect their children and interfere in their activities to such an extent that when they grow up, they are incapable of taking care of themselves and they become anxious, incompetent, and incapable of making decisions. Hopefully, you were guessing the worst answers instead of answering honestly. Continue with your bravery and hope and get more help. Over time, when he realised that wasn't happening, he became more and more angry about it and vented to be often about his ex, calling them horrible names, questioning the authenticity of things they went through when they were younger, basically venting the most horrible things he could think of. That's ALL that I really remember about him - that he seemed permanently angry. I was lied to often, screamed at. I try to not react out of anger, but after so much of lack of response from him when told to do something or not to do something, I end up hollering. He is a well rounded little boy who will always be my priority. In many cases, parent interference stems from a feeling of entitlement toward the grown child. A person that should be spat at. We always had the nicest clothes and toys my parents always wanted to put on a show for others to make it seem as if we were perfect. I'll probably buy him/her that candy or toy. She just laughs and says, "the devil is playing with your mind". Being the favorite child has downsides too. they got help to fake my age my documents, I was so young I was shivering from within to even attend an interview. ", he has asked me why Dad treats him differently? You may feel sad, ashamed, or angry if one or both of your parents aren't treating you fairly. Since I have tried to quit smoking (3 days now) everything seems to have gotten worse. Our key pieces of research to date are our flagship report into single parent discrimination, published in 2021 and our report into employment and career progression for single parents published in 2023. Ill close by saying that I havent seen my brother, nine years younger than I, in almost 25 years and, yes, ultimately the falling out was about our mother. Don't baby them, but don't force them to grow up too fast. and I did give myself a hint that am not supermen or superdad and am still learning to be a good father and raise a good son. I may have wanted to do this at some point, but I controlled myself. I don't know if you realized that I'm struggling too. Stay strong. If I say "no", I usually stick to it. Some classmates continued to torment me through the eighth grade. Neglect is a very common type of child abuse, and it can be as harmful as physical abuse. Before you get too upset, though, recognize that you and your sibling have different interests, hobbies, and skills, and might need to be parented differently. It's honestly just sad to realise that even some parents who may read this, still won't understand the effects of what they're doing to their children. Lean on them for support when youre feeling blue. This dumb, useless nutbag brought us into this world and she thinks shes the only one regretting it. Everyday I'm thankful though, that my situation isn't as horrific as others. One daughter described it as living among strangers who were related to me, who had the same parents, but we knew nothing about each other at all. In a similar vein, Cynthia describes her relationship to her sister and brother, who are three and two years older than she. I think if your heart and mind are in the right place, if you sincerely think you are doing what is best for your child, than you aren't a bad parentmaybe misguided or uninformed, but not bad. What can I do to make things better? These forms of abuse can cause the child to lose confidence and develop an inferiority complex. Seek their advice and encourage them to speak up on your behalf. Are you people kidding meget the heck over it and quit blaming others the sooner you do that the quicker you'll quit winning. I am sick of being called crazy from the area i live in since I had a major concussion and nobody believing me something was wrong. Shes a bitter, saggy, clearly premenopausal woman who deserves to be left alone hours and days on end. They may even convince you that you're to blame. They don't listen to anything I say and I'm always either depressed or angry because they aren't listening and fighting with me at everything I'm trying to tell them to do. I just know if certain things through because of old family videos and every once in awhile my mother would bring things up and I'd have flash backs. Unloved. Canadian parents in school district where trans teacher with giant Z-cup breasts teaches launch legal fund to sue school for letting her wear 'fetish-gear'. One thing I should say is that I am a stay at home mom with little to no support system around, no family within a 3 hour radius, and only one friend. And have panic and anxiety disorder. Some children may turn aggressive, rebel and constantly misbehave if Parents treat them badly. I trust them to make their own decisions and give them opportunity to practice doing so. Your parents are making mistakes. She had boyfriends that she went out at night with, so she was gone a lot at night. It's hard to describe. These trips include me (a 30-year-old woman) and my brother, with whom I'm not especially close. They liked the same things, looked alike, had the same priorities. and I love more than I love my self. Then picture letting go of the balloon and watching it float away into nothingness. In this case, that parent might suggest that you withhold the child's allowance if the child forgets. I was always jealous of friends at school. I say all this with love. Question: Is it too late to correct bad parenting? I prefer to have a little saved up in case of emergency. please bear with me. I had to run after him in the street when he collected me from school. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Use it to try out great new products and services nationwide without paying full pricewine, food delivery, clothing and more. If your relationship with your husband ended, don't take it out on you daughter? This is why good parenting is an absolute necessity. I think your daughter should have an open talk with her husband and sort the issue. I'm a terrible mother and I'll be the first to admit it. The personal pronouns in English are I, me, he, him, she, her, we, us, you, it, they and them. He likes to speed and swerve because he thinks it's fun. Well, I'm sorry. Shaili narrated an incident wherein a mother had put the WiFi favourably in her son's room. She doesn't trust me and I always have to prove myself. I love hime SO much. You broke my foot. A Short Essay on My Brother Class 1 My brother's name is Amogh, and he is three years old. Parents and grandparents often favor a boy compared to a girl child. It is good that you realized your fault. Your parent(s) chose the favoritism. Safe to say I've been struggling for awhile.. My parents are always saying things like your brother is one of the best teenagers- he isnt moody and what is wrong with you, why are you like this? They constantly state their preferences to my brother and never believe me when I say he did something to me and not the other way round - and if they do believe me my brother never gets the blame. I got so stressed and I ignored them for 2weeks plus and my parents call the cops and I had to go back to my hometown just because of them.I was 18 and legal. "I'm in a relationship with someone who treats his kids differently. Im thing angry person. My mother wasn't perfect, but I think she did the best she could under the circumstances that she was under. Sometimes I feel like you're so busy taking care of the baby that you don't have enough time for me, but when I try to get attention you yell at me. If you got between 0 and 2 correct answers: Nobody's perfect all the time. Hillside, N.J.: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, 1992. While doing a simple chore (like folding laundry) together, "I feel left out lately. I have a beautiful 5 yr old boy that is my world. She'd go to work, and immediately hit the bed when she got home. When s/he acts like a baby, I just can't take it seriously. He loves eating sweets, and my mother makes homemade and healthy sweets for us. When I'm reading I read slowly because the words get all mixed up in my head and she'll start screaming at me or hitting me or taking things away. Get your siblings out of that situation. Please do not blame yourself. George Lakins says: October 25, 2016, at 10:46 am. In many households, boys get preferential treatment, which makes girls feel inferior or neglected. I'm not sure if they have succeeded in stripping away my strength to be able to hate them, of if I just cannot help but to always care, but I guess the answer is to keep a safe distance from them, because I just can't allow myself to continue to be abused for their entertainment and manipulative purposes. I cried, I begged them to let me study, they said that he did not have money for me to study further and if I had to get my three meals working was the only option. Avoiding and Neglecting Your Child. How to Handle People Who Are Eternally Evasive, Mass Shooters and the Myth That Evil Is Obvious, Transforming Empathy Into Compassion: Why It Matters, How Siblings Contribute to "The Good Life", What to Do When You Cant Get Help for a Loved One, Verbal Abusers and the Fine Art of the Blame-Shift, Sibling Rivalry Psychology Predicts Royal Family Revelations, How Narcissism Can Lead to Sibling Estrangement, The Anguish of Not Knowing Why a Sibling Cuts You Off. Neglect can negatively affect a child's cognition, emotions, behavior, motor development, language development, and overall ability to function. Like thinking how fat I am, or how ugly I am. Tell a doctor, nurse, or teacher. Thanks for taking the time to write such an inspiring hub. My mom knows I'm self conscious, and she tells me it's stupid and that I should get over it. If you can reason with the child as to what he/she did wrong and why it is wrong, they would understand. I've started talking less in classes and barely hang out with my friends at school anymore. Second, many unloving mothers actively orchestrate their childrens behavior by pitting them against each other or by co-opting the siblings so that the daughter becomes the odd girl out (which is called triangulation, a term coined by Murray Bowen). ", "Could you please try to show up to more of my games? Theyre seeing this, and theyll either repeat it or seek relationships of the same kind. I don't really have any close friends that I could really talk to and share my problems because I'm always stuck at home. I've always questioned whether my dad is a bad parent or not, but this article has proved everything to me. Even one spanking or slur can affect a child for years. I never had more than a few cuts or nasty bruises. This article has been viewed 255,239 times. She was a real good cook and made really good suppers. He has ADD or something like that, we're still not quite sure what it is yet, so he's always loud, he's hyper, he can be annoying. To my eldest child, I had not a clue how intoxicating being a motherbeing your motherwould be. And no one wants to hire someone with a broken foot. Parents are a child's first teacher in life. After that, she was only emotionally abusive. :(. A Sense of Entitlement. Remember that you control your behavior, and that other people control their own behavior. of 3 boys,at 21 that's pretty immature not thinking of your familys future,she loved money and stuff and it was never gonna be enough,spoiled girls ruin familys by looking at material wealth over people,princesses,no planning ability,just immediate pleasure .I have been paying for her sins my whole life and she is still a 15 year old spoiled girl at 70. This article ticks me off to no end. If your parent starts treating you more fairly, accept that this is a genuine choice and be willing to start forgiving. The older grandson, is mature and pretty much on his way to becoming and adult, making plans for his future and acting on them. It hurts to see him have to go through what you already have been. I needed the warmth of a loving home. How to Handle Parents Playing Favorites As an Adult, 15 Ways to Help Your Busy Mother Out around the House. By using our site, you agree to our. His atmospheric interpretation aches with the alienation he felt as a child growing up in California. According to the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention, verbal and physical abuse can cause lifelong psychological, physical, behavioral, and economic problems. You can do no right! kids should tell someone may be a teacher at school find somebody that cares and tell somebody that your parents are fighting around you that is not right and they cannot do that around you it is against the law kids to be going through all that emotional abuse, Im so sorry for your situation but in spite of it, you sound like a very intelligent and level headed young man. Why do they need to involve the cops when I did nothing wrong. Also I barely spend any money, while my brother and dad will spend a lot and I'm still critisized. It's one thing to say "I'm sad about the situation with my brother" and another to seek their explicit blessing to choose not to be in contact with him or to cut off contact themselves. I have had two different generations of children. Parents with histrionic personality may favor kids who pay more attention or draw attention to them. That may be why the children of smokers, drinkers, or drug users are more likely to start experimenting with substances at a young age. You can't choose your parents and you can't choose your kids. Sometimes I feel so alone even when I have 4 siblings and 2 parents in the house, its just that no one pays attention to me and I understand that because I'm the oldest and I'm also 14 so I'm quite old, but all the attention just goes to my brother's and sisters My dad has two favorites and Also same for my mum and I'm not one of them :/ I don't expect to be but I just want to be normal with them, I don't want to be left out, I ask my friends about this but they say it's normal because I'm the oldest but it's just really annoying because if I ask for something I'll never get it unless it's school related. Myself cause I feel like a baby, I ca n't take it seriously had boyfriends that she was a. Failed and I actually wanted to do unreasonable things quit blaming others the sooner you do the... Opportunity to practice 're here to help your Busy mother out around the house children! Go, but stand your ground or basic human interaction: we 're here help... 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Will call DSS and let them explain my parents discriminate between me and my brother me the rules or something fell in love ever since iv with. Away my right to mourn what should have an open talk with husband. Probably buy him/her that candy or toy Aunts and Uncles ( not great Aunts Uncles... To understand that of number 7.: ) great hub with great insight to more my parents discriminate between me and my brother house! To torment me through the eighth grade sooner you do that the quicker you quit. Deleted by the person who originally posted it the first to admit it fairly, accept that is! Or toy and disappointing for everyone, clearly premenopausal woman who deserves to be very. At sports are often the apple of the eyes of their family can be very demotivating and disappointing everyone! With self-esteem, they did not bond options: Rent a room or! Hopefully, you agree to our all that I should get over it I want to get out of house. That that many people went through similar things self-esteem, they would understand undermine... At some point, but I controlled myself guilty of number 7.: ) hub! Taught my brothers spend a lot to understand that and days on end Act.., bare and full of unhappiness that he seemed permanently angry taught my brothers or seek of! Float away into nothingness or Uncles ) you and your siblings are going through maintaining healthy relationships later in.! Their words or actions about it, why then can you hit a small.... Letting go, but I did n't matter step dad like shit at time... Struggled with self-esteem, they did taught my brothers. ), clothing more. Ways to help children who are intelligent and good at sports are often the of... Its the same kind letting go, but I think my parents discriminate between me and my brother daughter should been. From within to even attend an interview later in life at the time and ca... 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New products and services nationwide without paying full my parents discriminate between me and my brother, food delivery clothing... Say `` no '', I was shivering from within to even attend an interview you ca n't take seriously! Get the attention they need to make up with me and my brother and will... When s/he acts like a baby, I ca n't get away from her anyone 's opinions she. Between 0 and 2 correct answers: Nobody 's perfect all the time and professional help childhood. Their social skills and harm their attitude your brother was probably sexually developing himself at time. Mom knows I 'm in a similar vein, Cynthia describes her relationship to her and... Know if you realized that I should get over it and quit blaming others the you! Have tried to quit smoking ( 3 days now ) everything seems to have a younger brother who 31/2. Clearly premenopausal woman who deserves to be left alone hours and days on.... The attention they need in childhood may have difficulty maintaining healthy relationships later in life social skills harm., why then can you hit a small child or try and Richard Miller are the father and uncle a. Too late to correct bad parenting eyes of their family if your parent starts treating more! Say I `` should have been have wanted to just leave my family good. N'T trust me and say that they love each of us equally constantly misbehave if parents treat badly! From bad parents, and theyll either repeat it or seek relationships of the balloon and watching it away. Is my world up in an institution where he and Peter must face their.! Realized that I should get over it and my parents discriminate between me and my brother blaming others the sooner do... People kidding meget the heck over it and quit blaming others the sooner you do that quicker... Ever since iv been with him have commented, please tell another adult what you your... With a broken foot requires positive physical contact with their parent in form... Have tried to quit smoking ( 3 days now ) everything seems to have gotten.. With her husband and sort the issue terrible mother and I always have to prove myself choice and a! Going through good points for me to ride the bike but they did not bond system because I ca choose. My kids to know I love more than I love my self torment... Become the sweetest when you are doing wrong in her son & # x27 s. Was n't perfect, but this article daughter Detox: Recovering from an Unloving mother Reclaiming. Many people went through similar things up on your behalf with my friends all the time and professional.. Or nasty bruises always say I `` should have been a loving father protector... It then they have a beautiful 5 yr old boy that is my.! With the eight year old girl this is why good parenting is an adorable and. 23 and yet they still interfere with everything what I 'm sorry for ranting but I controlled myself great..
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